Shame + Guilt + and My Truth

A very VULNERABLE POST

It’s taken sometime for me to realize & come to terms with just how I feel regarding taking care of my child.
Of course I want to take care of him the best way possible but sometimes you have to take into account your health and wellbeing as that supports him without feeling like you’re being a BAD PARENT.  Feel free to keep reading but please take into consideration this is going to be a VERY vulnerable post.
When I found out I was pregnant I wasn’t so sure I even really wanted to breastfeed…I’ve never been that comfortable with people touching my breasts and even though I knew it was the best way to feed him (yes I’ve done the research) I just wasn’t sure it was for me.  So while pregnant (very early on) I decided to look up the best formula’s incase I wasn’t able to or just couldn’t get it to be reliable (both of which eventually happened).  I discovered HIPP which is using European standards (above US) and is one of the PUREST formula’s around while being both gluten free and lactose reduced (both my hubby and myself are lactose intolerant).

The STRUGGLE IS REAL

I did a ton of research because as a Certified Health Coach and someone into clean living I knew BREASTFEEDING was BEST so of course I wanted what was best for my child.   While pregnant I got the healthiest things to help w/breastfeeding from motherlove’s nipple cream, to Kindred Bravely’s Nursing Bra’s, and even some goodie’s from the Latch On event in NYC.  Plus not to mention tons of lactation support working with nurses while in the hospital recovering and postpartum doula’s after.  But the latch pain was a 10 constantly.   I tried pumping but with having a c-section and FIBRO (I felt completely depleted) which didn’t help w/my urge to connect with my child and breastfeeding is a whole different level (I praise those that can do it and have the discipline) I myself did not and decided it was better to take care of myself so I could in turn take better care of him!
Yes I LOVED breastfeeding him when he would actually latch on me and seeing that twinkle in his eyes…I sometimes get a little depressed because I can’t give that to him and see him squirming at my shirt but I have come to the realization that it is better to be feeding him amazing formula and making sure he’s eating enough then to struggle with breastfeeding and not be sure of what he’s eating/not eating.  I love him tremendously (more than I’ve ever loved ANYTHING…sorry HONEY).
So even though I feel EXTREMELY guilty for giving up after just around 10 days and over half of those days I was also supplementing with formula plus breastmilk, I know that I am taking the best care of Asher that I can… I am sure that guilt/shame will last a little while longer and I’m okay with it because I love him and  know that we’re taking good care of him!
Please no bashing my very vulnerable post as I know this will cause some up-lash but its always better to be FED <3

PS:  If you’re an expecting or NEW parent don’t forget to buy your tickets for 2018’s MommyCon event (the exclusive event for all natural parenting) held in cities across the country!  Perfect for those into cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding, and everything in-between!  Use the code STLM18 to save 10% on your ticket!

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